Sunday, June 29, 2008

Everybody plays the fool sometimes. It may be factual, may be cruel

OF COURSE I knew what to do to keep him.

I am a woman afterall. As a formerly slutty girl, I knew I could move just so and put my hand on his leg just so and say things just so and he'd stay with me. And yet, I didn't.

So he, with his perfect shy smile and perfect house and perfect dog and perfect body and perfect fucking accent and perfect everything got back together with his ex-girlfriend. Maybe it was just too soon to be in something so perfect. Truth be told, I'm still reeling from XBF.

Or maybe it was something slightly more noble. Maybe I can see why she'd call 50 times a day. Maybe I can see why she would do everything in her power to be with with him. Maybe she feels the same way about him as I do XBF. Maybe he looked just a tad too guilty in the morning. Maybe I didn't trust his closed eyes when we kissed. I mean, closed eyes are a must of course, but untrustworthy closed eyes bite the big one.

Regardless of anything else, the only conclusion I can come to about anything right now is that I need, NEED two things: heavy-duty-super-ultra-garunteed-not-to-leak therapy and a man that can and wants to take care of me. Not money-wise. But other stuff-wise.

I'm new to all this. I havn't been alone (or that is to say, I havn't been without someone loving me) since tenth grade. So what do I look for? I dunno. Someone that smiles at me, not just around me...that can plan something to do...a good kisser...believes in something...grabs me (hand, hips, um, et cetera) I def. don't wanna always be the one doin the grabbin...pays...laughs...wants me to meet his friends...better yet, wants to meet mine...cuddles...doesn't always have to be saying something...asks about the stuff I'm up to...I dunno???!!!???

Fairly low standards in my opinion, and yet, it seems like no one meets them.

Men are idiots. Women really just want someone interesting that can slow dance and slow kiss and give some good lovin and hold them. C'mon dudes! Get it the fuck together!