Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I don't think this is what Ray Charles was singin about


Let me tell you about Georgia.

At my school she's infamous. She's beyond infamous. She's a legend.

No one will do her...which is why all the juniors get her. They don't know any better. Georgia is a nasty old lady. And the nasty goes far deeper than the old lady crud behind her ears. She's mean. And racist. Once, a black student was doing her hair and Georgia looked her staright in the face and said, "We owned 2 of you back in West Virginia." Didn't even bat a fucking eye. She constantly berates everyone she comes into contact with, including teachers, students and her husband, whom she refers to as "the man." As in, "Mrs. [teachers name], why in the hell can't you do your job and get these young women off their fat behinds and have one of them do my hair? The man is waiting for me in the car and I don't have time to wait for all these obese girls to jump off the ugly train." Snapping is involved. And yes, that is a direct quote.

Well, wednesday, all the juniors were busy or on lunch, so Christina was forced to take Georgias ticket. All was going well with the roller set until I showed up. I sat in the chair next to Christina. I crossed my legs. And my foot instantly began shaking, a tick I inherited from Dick Lucas.

Georgia looked over at me with hell fire in her eyes. "You're a lucky young lady that you didn't have my mother."

Without prompting, she continued, "She'd have killed you for sure."

Startled, I asked why.

"You ought to stop shaking your leg like that, it's an ugly habit and my dear mother'd have killed you for it."

"Well, I guess I am lucky I didn't have your mother. She sounds horrible!" Now, dear readers, I'm willing to admit that perhaps that statement goaded her on a bit.

A few minutes passed. Christina swiveled Georgias chair around so that my offensive foot wasn't in her direct line of vision. Alas, the old bag turned herself back around.

Shooting me the evil eye again, she insisted I stop shaking my foot, "You stop that right now or I'm going to bop you in the face."

Again, maybe I had something to do with what came next after I responded, "Do it!"

She reached over and punched me in the shin. Those old lady knuckles hurt like a mother fucker! I said "that was completely unneccesary," and started to get up.

Right at the moment, Christina was walking back from getting hairspray and didn't know what had just happened. Georgia yanked the hairbrush out of Christinas hand, got about 2 inches from my face, shouted "thank you very much!" and slammed the brush down on the station. Rollers and pins went everywhere. She stormed off.

A teacher saw the whole thing and she was ab-so-lut-ely livid. She called the director of our school and told her that Georgia was not, under any circumstances allowed back in the school again.

So there's that. Crazy old lady.